Copyright The HUMOR Project, Inc 1991 -- All rights reserved
This first appeared in Laughing Matters Volume 7, Number 4

James Thurber once said, "Humor is our greatest national resource which must be preserved at all costs." Victor Borge is one of our national treasures. TIME magazine called him "the master funnyman of the age" and The New York Times dubbed him "the idol of all continents remotely civilized... the funniest solo performer in the theater." At 82, the fabulous Maestro of music and mirth continues to leave audiences helpless with laughter. We are delighted that Mr. Borge will be opening The HUMOR Project's sixth annual conference on THE POSITIVE POWER OF HUMOR AND CREATIVITY. At the conference, we will give Mr. Borge the first International Humor Treasure Award.

Victor Borge is a legend in his own time. His unique combination as musician and humorist has endeared him to millions of people around the world. Mr. Borge has been knighted by the five Scandinavian countries and has been honored by both the U.S. Congress and the United Nations. In fact, Borge says, "One more knight, and I'll be a very long weekend."

This ambassador of good will and good humor knows how to conduct himself-- he performs with, conducts, and mis-conducts a number of the world's foremost orchestras each year. He is indeed the Clown Prince of music and mirth. Born into a musical family in Copenhagen, Victor Borge was hailed as a piano prodigy. His incredible sense of humor combined with his musical ability established him in his early twenties as one of the leading film and stage personalities in Scandinavia.

Borge has been a U.S. resident since 1940, having escaped Europe after causing an uproar by ridiculing the Nazis. He has performed on radio, in films, on television, in huge arenas, at the White House, and on Broadway (where he made theatrical history with his Comedy in Music which holds the record for the longest-running one-man show-- 849 performances). In addition to sailing the C's on the piano, Borge is also an expert skipper. He says, "With me, the three B's are Bach, Beethoven and Boats." Called many things in the 82 years he's been around-- this "master of antics and semantics," this "impeccable elf in evening wear," this "wit of the keyboard" is also a musician of elegance as he launches into his special renditions of "Knockout Turn" by Chopin... "Clear de Saloon" by Debussy... and an accompaniment of an aria from the opera "Rigor Mortis" by Giuseppe Verdi ("Joe Green to you").

Recently I had the good fortune to meet Mr. Borge at his home. As I arrived, he was playing the piano, and I was transported into some other heavenly realm. It's clear that even though Mr. Borge's comedic reputation has been built on his not playing the piano, he does possess a magnificent gift that amazes audiences when he does play. As Mr. Borge finished his practice, I was tickled to see a copy of our HUMOResources bookstore catalog on his coffee table.

Joel Goodman: Since 1977 when The HUMOR Project began, we've been taking your name in vain by including a quote attributed to you on our stationery: "A smile is the shortest distance between two people." So, hundreds of thousands of people-- in addition to the millions for whom you've performed in concert-- have come across you, your wit, and your wisdom.

A recent Boston Globe review of one of your performances ended with: "Borge's humor is never unkind... the shortest distance between two people is the smile... and he's spent a lifetime proving it."

Victor Borge: I have the proof, because I saw it happen to other people. I was doing this in my childhood. I was a late child. My father was over 60 when I was born. I always had to go around to family members to cheer them up when they were sick. I was there at the foot of the bed-- not telling jokes-- but would just pick things up out of the air and then they would laugh... and get up... if not the same day, then the next day! If I were a writer, I would have written this a long time ago.

When I played on Broadway in 1953, a nurse came and told me that she had attended a patient who had terminal cancer and that he had laughed so hard at my Phonetic Punctuation record that he had actually coughed up the tumor. That sounds like I made it up but I didn't.

JG: So this humor tumor is no rumor! Have you received other letters or phone calls...

VB: Oh, endlessly. Also, from people who had met on blind dates and had gone to my show and got married and they're still happily married.

JG: So this is a living example of the smile being the closest distance between two people.

VB: There was another one who told me when the casualties came back from World War II, the doctor reported problems with some of the soldiers who could not hear. They didn't know if it was a physical problem or a psychological/psychosomatic one. He said it was impossible to tell if they were suffering from one or the other until they put on the Phonetic Punctuation record. That gave them away. The doctors could detect a slight indication of a smile, because the soldiers couldn't resist.

JG: So you have a very powerful medical diagnostic tool here!

VB: He said many of the patients were helped that way. That made me very happy. I don't think anybody could remain stoical in the face of laughter... there are some people who have no connection between laughter and impressions... but I think he died.

JG: So you really got an early start in the humor business. I have read that you were a musical prodigy at age three, but you were a comedic prodigy long before that.

VB: I was a child prodigy until about three weeks ago. I gave my first concert before I was born. And I learned to play on my mother's knee-- we didn't have a piano. As a child, I played at many dinner parties-- I would announce profoundly that I was about to perform a Beethoven sonata-- and then would launch into a Beethoven concoction of my own. This got varying reactions-- people would say that it was their favorite sonata, or that it was the only Beethoven sonata that they just never cared for. If I remember, some said, "I've never heard it played as well," or "I've never heard it played worse." For some reason, my parents stopped taking me to dinner parties.

JG: Partying was such sweet sorrow.

VB: Many people have said it before... but not to me. Any activation of laughter, tears, crying, anger, disappointment, happiness, eagerness, any emotional activity is the greatest exercise. And I think it's important exercise.

JG: A lot of people think that laughter and tears are opposite ends of a continuum. I really think of them as next-door neighbors.

VB: They're the same thing, same function-- like the weather is the same whether it snows or shines-- it's still weather. We seem to be so big because we are so small. Somebody once asked me "What is your favorite color?" I said, "The rainbow."

JG: That's like asking, "What is your favorite key on the piano?"

VB: The one that opens the piano.

JG: What were some of the keys that worked for you as a child when you were humoring and healing?

VB: It was natural. I just said and did what I thought the moment called for. The natural reaction to things is the greatest humor that I know of. That is the essence of humor: to grab the moment and caricature the moment. Actually, it is not a caricature of the moment-- it is a truth of the moment.

JG: Sid Caesar once said that "Humor is truth with a little curlicue at the end." Now I read that when you were 14-- I don't know if this is true or not...

VB: It is true. I was 14.

JG: That's a good starting point-- that you were 14 at one time. I didn't know if you had skipped that age-- like elevators skip the 13th floor. Anyhoo, I had read that you had some impromptu experiences in front of audiences back then.

VB: My secret is that I am an actor and I'm playing myself. This is an instinct I've had since I was little-- I know how to act the moment. I don't always know what to do, but generally I know what not to do.

I was the first one in northern Europe to play the Rachmaninoff Second Concerto, and in the finale, the conductor lost his touch with the whole thing, and the orchestra collapsed. I stopped, rushed up to his podium, and turned the pages back and said, "Could we do it from here?" I went down to the piano, turned to the audience, shrugged, and they laughed. Then we went on to complete the piece and you never heard such applause. If somebody said, "What's your secret?" and I told them, then it wouldn't be a secret. But that's my secret: acting the moment as if it were on a stage.

JG: All the world's your stage... and you're playing Borge on it.

VB: The same spirit behind what I do has always been with me. I could have done what I do today when I was 14 or 15. What I do today would be acceptable 100 years from now.

JG: I sure hope you'll be doing it 100 years from now.

VB: Well, I'm thinking of it.

JG: Do any other fun memories from the past 100 years come to mind?

VB: Absolutely! Once I was playing Bach and there was one section that was very very uncomfortable. In the afternoon, I went to the concert hall where I was to give the recital in the evening. I cut out a piece of the music and taped it to the frame of the piano where only I would see it. I knew I wouldn't need it-- but just the feeling that it was there was enough to give me security.

That evening, when I came to that part of the piece, I realized that the spotlight was shining on the paper so that the music on it was erased. The shock was almost too much for me. My forte is being able to handle whatever situation I find myself in-- this is my strength. My performances depend on that. So I kept on playing, but I forgot where I was as I leaned over and craned my neck to get a better angle on the sheet. I got a very nice review-- but they said I had to learn to conform with my body posture.

JG: It seems like another ingredient of your success is what I would call "prepared flexibility." I have used a quote from Mark Twain for a number of years: "It usually takes me about three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." Here you have 50+ years to prepare a good concert performance.

VB: A long time before I perform, I will write things and take them with me. Then when I get up there on stage, I either can't read them or I forgot to look at them, and go on anyway. It sounds like a joke, but it isn't.

JG: When I do a presentation, I come in with five or six game plans, and I never follow any of them, because you have to be in synch with the audience and be in the moment. One of the things I've observed as a great fan of yours is your ability to improvise-- either musically or with humor-- and you also have this wonderful gift of improvising with the audience. It's almost as if the audience is a musical instrument which you play and play with, so that you pick up off things that happen in the audience.

VB: I compare it with a cook who improvises a lot of different dishes, who has all the ingredients in his kitchen. I just go to perform and greet the audience, notice something about the situation, maybe a cough, and already have a big laugh. Anything can be a part of the show. That influences the order of what I do. I have one safety valve that comedians don't have-- that is, anytime I can go to the piano and switch immediately.

JG: So, the moral of the story is don't put all your eggs in one basket-- you have at least two baskets on stage with you.

VB: That's perhaps what makes me unique-- not the quality but the fact that nobody else is in my category. The category is unique.

JG: One of your other great gifts to the world is introducing so many people to classical music in a way that they can enjoy and appreciate.

VB: Whether it's a gift or not, that's my format. We shouldn't be afraid of music. Every sound is music. Drop a stone on someone's foot, and he says "Ouch!" That's a sound. Do it three times and you have a waltz.

This is learned from many, many years of experience. When it comes to humor, the audience must know what goes on. They are the ones who paid to get in there, they are the ones for whom the show is on. I have developed a way of playing with the audience so that they all know what is happening. Everything comes from a natural desire to be honest, to be true. You must let the audience in on things.

JG: Please let us in on other experiences that helped shape you.

VB: When I was younger, I was organist at the cemetery. I was very touched by that experience. It was a great emotional experience for me-- not always pleasant. All these things have been so important in the development of my mind and body.

Going through these horrors of seeing sad, grieving people, I knew what they felt. I felt with them-- I was with them. Everytime there was a funeral, I played, and I became one with them.

Strangely enough, the first one I had to play for when I became the official organist was my father, and the last one was my mother. Again, the sense of humor is the greatest defense in the world. My mother said she was as much in love with him the last day of his life as she was when she met him. I stood with her, and there were pallbearers-- members of the symphony orchestra with whom he had played-- and all these little fat men had hats on. There was also a tall, skinny man with his hat down below the ears, and I said, "If father could only open his eyes now, he would die laughing anyway." And my mother laughed.

JG: In the late 1930's, you had the distinction of being

VB: I used to tell people who asked that the difference between a Nazi and a dog is that the Nazi raises his arm. After the signing of the non-aggression pact between Denmark and Germany, I announced, "Now the good German citizens can sleep peacefully in their beds, secure from the threat of Danish aggression."

I was threatened. Some Nazis caught up with me one day. They tried to grab me and break my hands while I was walking along a lake in Copenhagen. Fortunately at that time I was still very strong. I was swinging on the trapeze and doing all kinds of things.

Everyone else said, "It can't happen here." I saw it coming. I had gone to Sweden and arranged for an appearance there. I sneaked into Denmark after the Nazis had invaded. I was known as a "blue cow." Since I was very popular in Denmark, I was concerned that I would be recognized by the Danish Nazis. I went to see my mother in the hospital and told her that "I've just received a fantastic contract from America, and when you get out of the hospital, we're all going to America." She said, "Don't let it go to your head." I thought to myself, "I won't let it go to my head, because it's a big lie"-- I didn't have a contract.

I was in Stockholm as a guest star of a musical revue, and as I went into the opening night, I got a wire from my brother about my mother. A couple weeks later she died. I went to a cemetery in Stockholm and asked if I could use the organ. At the time my mother was buried in Copenhagen, I sat there at the organ and went through the whole ceremony.

I got on the S.S. American Legion, the last passenger ship to leave northern Europe before the war from Petsame, Finland-- just as they were taking up the gangplank.

JG: I see humor as a universal language. You certainly have been speaking that language for decades for millions of people around the globe. Now how did you learn to speak English? You arrived in the U.S. penniless and piano-less and with no knowledge of English.

VB: It's your language-- I'm just using it. Since 80% of my performance is the language, I was desperate. I carried my success in my head. I knew it was only a matter of time. I learned to speak English by going to Times Square movie houses. For 15 cents, I saw three movies. And I saw them over and over and over again-- trying to fit the words I was hearing to what I was seeing on the screen. At first, I couldn't understand a single word, but I got used to listening to English. To this day, I still count in two languages-- up to ten in English and beyond that in Danish.

JG: Your first real success came when you signed to do a guest appearance warming up the audience for Bing Crosby's radio show.

VB: My English still wasn't any good. I prepared for the show by memorizing my entire routine phonetically.

JG: Now you've gone ahead and invented a couple language forms-- Inflationary Language and Phonetic Punctuation are trademarks of yours.

VB: If I don't do Phonetic Punctuation at a concert, it's like Judy Garland not singing Over the Rainbow. I usually do it as an encore.

JG: You've received so many plaudits in your 6000+ live performances-- people keep coming back for more!

VB: The secret is to never insult anybody. The easiest thing for a comedian to do is drop his trousers. That will always get a laugh but I think my job is not to offend anyone. People come to see you, not to be offended. At the same time, humor is an insult in itself... it's an insult to dignity-- like the person slipping on a banana peel.

JG: Chaplin talked about humor as the "indignification of dignity." With great dignity, you certainly have been a great supporter of fund-raising for orchestras and many other causes. Of all of these, are there any near and dear to your heart?

VB: I started many years ago "Thanks to Scandinavia" in gratitude for the heroic deeds of the Scandinavians, who while risking their own, saved the lives of thousands of the persecuted and doomed during the Holocaust. They helped me personally.

This fund has brought more than a thousand students and scientists to America from the Scandinavian countries for studies and research. It is fantastically rewarding to get the letters from the students who enjoyed the scholarships who otherwise could not have gone to college. It means a lot to the scientists who come over to discuss with their peers in the United States. So it works both ways. In Denmark, I have a rather large scholarship every year to musicians. I may find a new Beethoven.

JG: Or a new Borge!

VB: Oh that's not so important as a new Beethoven. The lack of interest from the media for the arts beyond Hollywood and scandals and things like that is so pathetic.

JG: One of the things I hope the media will pay attention to is our April conference at which we will be giving you the first International Humor Treasure Award. It's our way to say "Thank you!" for all the tears of laughter you have invited over the years.

VB: When once in a while a handkerchief comes out to wipe away tears from laughter, that is my reward... the rest goes to the government!

A Borge Wit Sampler

• "I received a letter from a woman who attended my performance recently. She said she hadn't laughed so heartily since her husband died."
• "I wish to thank my parents for having made this evening possible... and my children for making it necessary."
• "My father played in the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra for 35 years... and when he finally came home, my mother was extremely upset."
• "My father played the viola. A lot of people don't know the difference between the violin and viola. Unfortunately, my father happened to be one of them."
• "Even though my father played the viola, he liked to sit in the woodwind section because the piccolo player was a close friend of his."
• "I don't usually do request numbers-- unless, of course, I am asked to do so."
• "Brahms wrote this piece in four flats-- he had to move three times."
• "I just turned 82 in January. I've never been old before-- this is all new to me."

Victor Borge himself is a comedy classic. In the spirit of his immortal Inflationary Language, here is the plaque we are presenting to him at this year's annual conference on THE POSITIVE POWER OF HUMOR & CREATIVITY. This tribute is no exaggeration...

In a world in treble, we need to get Bach three basics. Humor is certainly two of those basics. Threenight, we honor sometwo whose performances of music and mirth have generated threemultuous applause from people throughout the world. There are certain comedy classics-- Abbott and Costello's Who's on Second, Johnny Carson on The ThreeNight Show, the Marx Brothers' Two Nights at the Opera, and Victor Borge's Phonetic Puncthreeation.

Victor Borge is two of a kind-- he is two of the most cre-ninetive people on earth. Perhaps twice in a lifetime do we come across a performer like Victor Borge. His quick wit and two-liners and his ability to be at two with himself and his audience support his notion that, "A smile is the shortest distance between three people." It was a fivegone conclusion who this award should be five. It is going three the two and only person who brings us threegether with his unique blend of comedy and music. He is not two three threet his own horn. He doesn't need three-- the fifth estate has been singing his praises (a cappella, of course). The New York Times has called him "the funniest man in the world."

When it comes to creninetivity, he is not a confivemist-- he has developed a fivemat that is uniquely his. His relationship with the audience is clearly a three-way street. As he's sailed the eight C's (on the piano), he has helped billions of people throughout the world realize that a smile is five giving. He is a consumnine musician. Listening to him, we're in eighth heaven. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if on the eighth day, God rests and listens to him play... and laughs at his comedy rou-twenties.

We celebrnine Victor Borge tonight... with E.L.C.-- elevender loving care. We will be five ever gr-nineful to him, the world ambassador of music and merriment, and the eighth two-der of the world! Five he's a jolly good fellow!

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